I am Afraid

Honestly, I have been using the words "afraid" and "fear" way too much lately.  I know that if I truly love someone and they truly love me, there is no such thing as fear, because we will create a security around us.  We will not fear for love will overcome.

Love,

Kjerstin L.

Someone's Something

Do you ever feel like you are under appreciated...that nobody could care less about what you are thinking or feeling?  Not saying that this is a consistent thing that is going on, but there is a certain person in my life who is making me feel this way.  They most likely won't read this because well they do not pay attention to anything I post, so I figured that this would be a good way to vent about it.

I feel as if I am the only one who actually cares about anything.  I feel as if you could care less about what happens in the future and where we are headed.  You are not putting in any effort to see me or talk to me, so why should I put in any?  I continually try to put an effort in... Yet you have not done one thing to make me feel like any of my work is worth it.  Why should I care if you do not? Why should I put in a bunch of work when you are not?  Why should I feel any guilt over anything when it has been you this entire time not trying?

I want to be someone's something.  I want to feel loved and appreciated.  I want to feel as if I am worth it, because I am.  I want this feeling to resonate in my actions as well as the actions of others around me.  I will not waste my time on someone who does not care for me or want me to be happy.

This image definitely resonates with my feelings:

"Love is always full time,
Never part time,
Never sometimes,
And certainly not just on your time."

Love,
Kjerstin L.

Ezekiel

Ezekiel drinking a delicious, chocolate milkshake

Oh man!  Time has just flown by way too fast.  Zeke is already going to be two in May!  He is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  Amber and I were just talking last night, and we do not know where we would be without my little Zekey.  The crazy part is that my life would be totally different; completely and utterly different.  This thought makes me very sad, because I probably would not be happy without Zeke.  He put a flame in me to become a better person, have a better life, and do better, because I want the best for him.  I want to be great for him and do the best I can with my life to better his.  I have a push to do the things that I was scared to do.  For instance, I took a year off of college and honestly I don't know if I would have gone back.

In 2012, I had no idea what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go in life.  In 2013, my son was born and I had to get my butt moving in the right direction.  I quit my job at Arby's and did taxes until April, Zeke was born, and then I started school in the fall.  I worked, saved money, got donations from family members and friends, and supplied Zeke with what I could.  He is a healthy, bouncing toddler now.  All thanks to those that were willing to help me along this road.

I want to say a huge thanks to all of my family, including but not limited to: MELISSA JOVAAG (my mom), JEFFREY JOVAAG (my dad), CHRISTINE SULLIVAN (my aunt), JENNIFER MECHTEL (my aunt), PHYLLIS HANSON (my maternal grandma), and LINDA JOVAAG (my paternal grandma).  Each of you have helped me by giving me items for Zeke (or finding ways for me to get these items) and/or watching Zeke so I can go to school or work (or so that I could have a little fun).  I would also like to thank the friends that have been there during this crazy ride: AMBER DALY (my best friend) and JESS SPENCER (my best friend).

If I tried to list all the people that I am thankful for, this blog post would never end.  It would literally take over this entire blog.  To anyone I missed, or feel like they should have been listed, keep in mind that this list is not a way of calling out anyone because they were not there.  I understand that relationships fade in and out.  People could be there one day and be busy the next.  That is perfectly okay with me.

I love all of you and am thankful for every single thing that anyone has ever done for Zeke and me!

"My number one goal is to love, support and be there for my son."

Love,

Kjerstin L.